


I Have Loved The Stars Too Fondly To be Afraid Of The Dark

by ForbiddenFeathers



Series: Random Football Drabbles [19]
Category: Football RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Asexual Cristiano, Declarations Of Love, Fluff, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Very Obvious But It's There
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-23 02:09:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6101303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForbiddenFeathers/pseuds/ForbiddenFeathers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I used to be afraid of the darkness. Afraid that it would consume me and eat me alive if I let it in, if I let it too close to me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Have Loved The Stars Too Fondly To be Afraid Of The Dark

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mrsdortmund](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsdortmund/gifts).



> I have had the worst day and then this happened in my head as I was walking home from work earlier and saw all the stars for the first time in a while and it reminded me how much I love them. I'm trying a new format so this is all written in 1. Person narrative with Cris as the main character ;) I hope you like it, and please leave me a comment to make my day?
> 
> To Erika, my shinning star in the darkest sky <3 <3 <3

I used to be afraid of the darkness. Afraid that it would consume me and eat me alive if I let it in, if I let it too close to me. 

But then when I was 10 I learned that even in the darkest of nights, the stars would always be there to protect me. 

From then on, I wasn't so afraid of the darkness, because I knew the stars and the moon had my back. Even if I couldn't see much other than them, it was okay, because they were my safety net.

When I met him, met Iker, I didn't notice at first. It wasn't until one late night after training where we'd stay late and practice my free kicks that I noticed it. The stars seemed duller, not as lively as my safety net used to be. 

It scared me beyond belief when I noticed why they didn't shine as bright anymore because that meant that for the first time in my life, I was having feelings that my beloved stars couldn't protect me from, they couldn't save me from being hurt. 

I had know since I was little that I was different, but it wasn't until Iker smiled at me and his smile made my stomach tie into knots and make butterflies circle around my heart that I fully understood who screwed I truly was.

Iker had become my stars, my moon, and he didn't even notice it. He didn't know how badly his present made me feel, because even though I loved him, and at this point I knew I did, love would lead to relationships, or heartbreak if he didn't like me back, and relationships would lead to sex and I couldn't do that.

Then one morning, I came into the silent field at Valdebebas, and I knew something was wrong when I saw Sergio sitting by himself at the fence, dead silent. 

"Sese? What happened?" I asked him carefully as I approached my vice captain and close friend.

"He left us." Was all he said. Then the waterworks must have broken because he launched himself at me and started crying heavy tears that tore a hole in my heart. 

There was only one person in this world who would make Sergio this upset by leaving, and that was Iker. My Iker. 

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!! Please tell me this is a cruel joke, that he's staying, because I can't deal with him leaving. How could they let him go? Why wouldn't he tell me?" I broke down crying, the way I had only done once before when my dad had died, right in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything to stop it, to help him. 

"Cris, I'm so sorry... I know he's my best friend, but I also know that he is your entire heart. He didn't tell anyone he was leaving. Only Rafa... Who told me.. Porto... That's where he went. Away from hate and white fiery passion. Away from us." Sergio had changed our place a bit so my head was cradled on his shoulder and his arms was wrapped around my waist.

He was the only one who knew about my secret and my love for Iker and he never told a soul. Which was why I told him in the first place. If anyone knew pain it had to be Sergio Ramos, the guy who loved too passionately and fiercely only to be let down by his team and the world. 

When all came to it, Sergio had loved Mesut with everything he had, just to have him leave Real like we were garbage. 

That was the first night I realised that the moon, the stars that I had loved so fondly as a child, had been replaced by a 6 foot 1 tall goalkeeper with a burning passion and a kind heart. Who had just left me in his home country to take on mine.

After that day, everything went to hell. I didn't play very well, I couldn't score any goals because when I turned around to celebrate the ones I did with the guy I loved, he wasn't there. 

So the goals became fewer and further apart, and everyone started to notice. Marcelo and Pepe didn't say anything, but I know they saw straight though me like they always did, and Sergio was still the only one who knew the truth. 

It continued as time went on and soon most of the season had gone, my first season without my saint, and I was growing more and more miserable. 

Sergio had enough and demanded that I'd return to the old Cris, the one the whole world either loved or loved to hate, not the lovesick, won't score without Iker version he had turned into. 

So one morning in the end of February when the weather was dull and grey as his mood, when the doorbell rang, he expected it to be Marcelo or Pepe checking up on him like they did on all their days off, to make sure he kept eating, kept living.

But it wasn't. 

Standing outside, drenched by the rain he didn't see from his window, was Iker. 

"What are you doing here?" Cris had to restrain himself from jumping on Iker and never letting him go again.

"Sergio called me. He said you needed me, that you weren't doing well." Iker fiddled at his coat sleeves.

"He's right, I'm not..." I replied as I turned to let him in and close the door after him.

"It's my fault isn't it? It's because I left without an explanation, without letting you know the true reason behind my move." Iker took off his wet coat and sat down on the expensive leather couch my mother had insisted I needed to own now that I could afford it.

"Yes... But it's not your fault... It's mine for keeping things from you and the letting them eat me alive when you left." I sat down next to him, grappling his hand and holding onto it like I wouldn't see him again, which I wasn't sure that I would. 

"Well I think it's time you know... When the hate became worse, it never got to me, because I was too busy looking at you and your smile to ever notice the idiots in the stands. Since you arrived at the club I have only have eyes for you, but you didn't notice me. It hurt so I left and now I realise how stupid that was. Yes I love Porto and I love Portugal but it will never be perfect because it does not have you. I just wanted you to know that. And I watch every match Real plays and I yell, just as much as I did when I was in goal, when you score. I'm still there, you just don't see me." Iker placed a hand on my cheek and smiled softly. I didn't know what to do with myself so I did the first thing I could think of and broke down crying. 

"Cris? Love? Are you okay?" Iker pulled me into his chest and hugged me close to the strong body that used to be my entire support system after bad loses and terrible wins and I couldn't help but whimper at the feeling. It felt like home. It felt like the stars glowing down to me the night I fell in love with them and every night since when they protected me from the dark. 

"I'm not... You left me. I love you... And you left... To Porto of all places. They are not good enough for you..." I mumbled into the safety of his arms. 

"Porto was only my choice because it let me keep some of you with me. Besides you never told me you loved me... That is nice to know. I love you too by the way." Iker pulled at my shirt collar and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. Not even the stars was a match for the feeling Iker lit in me. Like an all consuming fire of white flames he was burning his way to my heart. 

"Promise me you won't leave again?" I pleaded as we pulled away, panting slightly as he had kissed the air straight out of my lungs. 

"If you promise to tell me your secrets from now on so I don't make stupid mistakes thinking that you don't like me." Iker smiled shyly at me with his brown eyes, glossy with unshed happy tears.

"I promise." I meant it with everything in me, because if I could have Iker, then I didn't need the stars or the moon to keep me safe, I had Iker and that would always be enough.


End file.
